Thinking about gray divorce?

When you are walking down the aisle toward your future spouse, you plan for a lifetime together. After 30 years, you may start to wonder just how long that “lifetime” is going to be, and whether the person across the table at breakfast still has the same vision for the future.

For some, the desire for an aging couple to get a divorce may seem confusing. The feeling, however, is no different from any other separation. The people around you question why now and what went wrong and whether you have done this or that to fix it.

These are two of the reasons couples are deciding on a gray divorce.

Couches versus cruises

When you were young, you may have fantasized about the retirement you would have together. Whether you envisioned time to finally be home and relax or adventures around the globe, as you approach or enter retirement, you may find that one (or both) of you have a new idea for what the future will hold.

Aside from the difficulty of spouses trying to talk each other into conflicting activities, changing your goals has a financial component too. If you planned on having a relaxing retirement at home, you might not have the resources to shift gears and travel. On the other hand, if you intended for an active retirement, you may find yourself wondering how you want to spend the money you saved.

Who are you?

Couples feeling like they have drifted apart is another reason for gray divorce.

When you are consumed with working and raising children, a marriage can become “business-focused.” You spend so much time planning the logistics of your busy life that you lose track of each other’s changes in personality.

After the children are gone and work starts to slow down, you begin to wonder who this other person is and whether you are still able to connect. As you get older, you may wonder who you want to spend the rest of your life with. When goals and personalities become drastically different, you may find you both will be happier pursuing your interests separately.

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